A lot of people are probably posting about Thanksgiving today, but I feel that my post should offer my readers something more tangible. So, in honor of the holiday, I present my 10 best excuses for being late. I included photos, because the things that happen to me are very odd, and my employer and probation officer have begun to request proof.
1. You spent the night fighting off the zombie raccoons that were trying to get inside your home. You won...this time.
2. You got stuck behind the herpes mobile. AGAIN.
3. Death came to visit and just wouldn't leave. Not wanting to anger death, you said nothing. Later, you are angry with yourself for not speaking up.
4. You got distracted by your striped boots.
5. You needed to go casket shopping.
6. You stopped to meet your new neighbors.
7. You got stuck in the tanning bed at the tanning-live bait-gas station.
8. The clown bullies that live next door wouldn't let you get in your car until you agreed to take their picture. You hate them.
9. The girl at the Kum and Go declined your debit card....
...and you had to work off your gas purchase selling these:
10. You turned left instead of right, and ended up in Indiana. Crap.