Last night I swear it was about 2 degrees outside and I had to trudge through the snow with about 8 bags of garbage, so I could put them behind the garage for pickup. So about an hour later I'm cooking dinner, Zach's in the living room building something with the Jenga blocks and Julia is upstairs watching T.V. All of a sudden, I realized I hadn't made my bed that morning and it needed to be done before I could go to bed that night.
That's right. I don't have time to make my bed in the morning, so I make it every night before I get in it. That way the sheets are nice and tight, and the blanket edges match up with the sheet and comforter edges, and the wrinkles are all smoothed out and....STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!!! I didn't ASK to be born this way, you know.
I thought about asking my daughter to make it for me, but then, ugh!, all the whining and complaining from her would totally kill the buzz I was enjoying from the glass of wine I was having. Hmm, what to do, what to do. I gave pause, allowed the problem at hand a considerable amount of thought, considered the pros and cons from every angle and....HA! FOOLED YOU! I totally did it right off. No thoughts whatsoever.
Here's what I did:
Me: "Julia! Come here!"
Julia: "What do you want?! I was watching The Nanny!"
Me: "Ok, well, I just realized I threw away a really important receipt in the garbage and I don't know which bag it went into."
(I stare intently at the chicken I'm sautéing)
Me: "Yeah, well as you can see, I'm kinda busy cooking your DINNER. So I need you to go outside and bring in all the bags of garbage from behind the garage."
Julia: "Are you SERIOUS???"
(at times like this it's best not to make eye contact)
Me: "Um, yeah. So anyway, I need you to bring the garbage in the house so you can go through the bags and find my receipt."
Julia: "....." (horrified expression)
Me: "It's from T.J. Maxx, and..."
Julia (shrieking): "ARE YOU SERIOUS????"
(don't snort, that'll give it away)
Me: "Um, listen missy, I-you-"
Julia (getting suspicious): "Mom? Why are your eyes watering?"
Me: "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!! (gasp) "BWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!"
Julia: "OH!!! OHHH!! YOU! I'M GONNA...."
Then she hit me.
No, not like that. She smacked me on the arm like she would do to a friend at school who did this. But we are not friends. Maybe we will be one day. When she has lived a little. But for now, I had to reassert my position as the Alpha, and PRONTO.
I had to go all Mom on her.
So then I was all like, "JULIA! JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING???? I am your MOTHER!!"
She immediately got all serious and was like, "Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to, it's just that you...."
Me: "Well, I guess we can put it behind us. But don't you EVER hit me again. Got it?"
Julia: "Yeah, I get it. Hey, so why'd you call me downstairs then anyway?"
Me: "Um, I want you to make my bed. The way I like it. You know, with the sheets all pulled tight and the blankets and the comf..."
Julia: "Yeah, yeah, I know. The blankets and the comforter have to match up, and I need to fluff the pillows and be sure to pull the fitted sheet tight so there aren't any wrinkles. Why didn't you just say that in the first place?"
Me: "Well, number one, this was much more fun and number two, making my bed doesn't sound so bad compared to digging through frozen garbage, does it?"