I Have A New Best Friend And Her Name Is Susan. And She Needs Money.

(So I was just sitting at home last week and I got this urgent email. I think it's for realsies):

*****Emerg​ency Help Needed****​* Susan MacKenzie

from Susan MacKenzie  <hootowl20006s@aol.com>
to
date Tue, Feb 8, 2011 at 12:22 PM
subject*****Emergency Help Needed***** Susan MacKenzie
mailed-by gmail.com
signed-by gmail.com

I'm sorry for this odd request because it might get to you too urgent but it's because of the situation of things right now.

I'm stuck in Scotland with family right now, we came down here on family vacation, we were robbed, worse of it is that bags, cash and cards and our cell phone were stolen at GUN POINT,and it's hard to get hold of a phone here in Edinburgh it's such a crazy experience for us, we need help flying back home, the authorities are not being 100% supportive but the good thing is we still have our passport but don't have enough money to get our flight ticket back home, please i need you to loan us some money.

All we need is $2,500.00 but anything you can spare right now will be appreciated and I promise to refund it to you as soon as I arrive back home safely.. You have my word!!

Thanks
Susan MacKenzie
_______________________________________________________
(I felt the need to reply):

from Shinythings <ywjujub@yahoo.com>
to Susan MacKenzie <hootowl20006s@aol.com>
date Wed, Feb 9, 2011 at 9:29 AM
subject Re: *****Emergency Help Needed***** Susan MacKenzie
mailed-by gmail.com

Absolutely Susan! OMG I'm so sorry that happened to you! Dirty foreigners, this is why you should stay in the good ol' USA. I only have $1,050, hopefully you sent this to James and he can cover the rest. How do I get it to you? Do you have a safe place to stay?

Hugs,
Vonda
_______________________________________________________
(To Susan's credit, she responded IMMEDIATELY with the deets. This new best friend doesn't mess around):

mailto:fromhootowl20006s@aol.com
mailto:to%20ywjujub@yahoo.com
date Thu, Feb 10, 2011 at 4:32 AM
subject Re: *****Emergency Help Needed***** WESTERN UNION DETAILS
mailed-by aol.com

Alright I'm glad you are willing to help, you can get the money to me here via Western union outlet around you,all you need is my name as it is in my international passport and the name of the country we are now to make the transfer,so below are the information you may need:

Name - Susan MacKenzie
Address: 50 Barnes Street London, England W1T 3NG
Country, United Kingdom.
Amount:?

I still have my passport so I can use it as identification, e-mail me the transfer details and the confirmation number include the amount sent.

Let me know as soon as you are heading out to the Western union.

Regards
Susan
_______________________________________________________
(I was SO glad to see she was able to make it to London. That poor thing probably had to swim the entire way with her baby strapped to her head.. But life got in the way of my correspondence with Susan, and a couple of days later I got this email. She still needs my help):

mailto:fromhootowl20006s@aol.com
mailto:mailywjujub@yahoo.com
date Fri, Feb 11, 2011 at 6:41 AM
subject Re: *****Emergency Help Needed***** Susan MacKenzie
mailed-by aol.com

I am still waiting for your reply..pease
_______________________________________________________
(*sniff*. Did you see that? Did you see that heartbreaking "pease" at the end of her pathetically short email? She's probably weak from malnutrition, lying by the side of the road in Scotland where she and her family were waylaid by thugs. London.)

from Shinythings <ywjujub@yahoo.com>
mailto:tohootowl20006s@aol.com
date Fri, Feb 11, 2011 at 10:28 PM
subject Re: *****Emergency Help Needed***** Susan MacKenzie
mailed-by gmail.com

Hi Susan!

I'm sorry I couldn't get back earlier, my brother was hit by a large delivery truck and I've spent the past 2 days in the hospital. We still don't know if he's going to make it, keep your fingers crossed!

About the West Union thing, we don't have one of those in my town and I don't even know where the nearest one is but I absolutely want to help you, no question there! Since we don't have one of those West Union places, I called my bank to see how I could help you. They said you can give me your checking account number and the routing number and my bank can automatically transfer the money from my checking account to yours. Just send me the info and I can have the money to you by tomorrow. Oh, and guess what?? I got a bonus at work today, so now I have the whole $2,500 to send to you!!!! This must be some kind of God thing, right?

Stay safe!
Vonda
_______________________________________________________
(Susan responded with this heartfelt letter of sympathy for my comatose brother, as well as helpful advice as to how I could get her the money):

fromhootowl20006s@aol.com
mailto:toywjujub@yahoo.com
date Sat, Feb 12, 2011 at 5:51 AM
subject Re: *****Emergency Help Needed***** Susan MacKenzie
mailed-by aol.com

Thanks and God bless once again and I'm very sorry to hear from you about your brother's status. i believe by his stripes he his heal and i want you to be rest assured and have faith in him who has sent us to life.

I would be happy if you were able to send the money by latest Monday afternoon cos we have booked flight home and now depending on you for now but i am still waiting to hear from Dan but maybe he still figuring our something is another problem right now. like i have mentioned earlier that cell phones and other valuables were taken from us and i do not have any other mean sending you my bank details. the very best you can do is via Western Union or any Money Gram outlet around you. you can even ask from your bank about wiring the Money via Western Union if available from them.

The remaining of the family sends greeting to you and your sick brother.

Regards
Susan
_______________________________________________________
(The REMAINING of her family sends their greetings??? OMG she probably has had to sell her children one by one just to make ends meet. Or maybe a Werewolf got them because they're sleeping in the fields and I hear London is lousy with Werewolves. It's sad to see how lack of proper nutrition is causing Susan to lose the ability to speak English properly.):

from Shinythings <ywjujub@yahoo.com>
 tohootowl20006s@aol.com
date Sun, Feb 13, 2011 at 1:04 PM
subject Re: Re: *****Emergency Help Needed***** Susan MacKenzie
mailed-by gmail.com
hide details 1:04 PM (40 minutes ago)

SUSAN!!!!!! OMG my brother DIED last night!!!!! I can't believe it!! This is the worst thing ever, I'm so glad I have your friendship! It's like God put you in my life just for this.

Ok, wow. His name was Herbert and he was 51. He had always lived with our parents because he was too slow to live alone. He lived in their basement and made models of WWII airplanes and he loved watching birds have sex. Kinda weird I know, but like I said he was slow and I don't think you'll judge him, right?

So ANYHOW, I have to pay for his funeral cuz my parents don't have enough money because Herbert was always stealing from them and one time he sold their t.v. so my parents made him do little shows to entertain them every night for a month until my dad could make enough money to buy a new t.v.

Burying him is real expensive, like $3,000. Or I could have him cremated and that's only about $500. If I have him buried, I won't have any money to send to you, but if I have him cremated I could still send you $2,000.

What should I do Susan??? The funeral home needs an answer this week, cuz they can't just have him laying around there, he'll start to smell. PEASE tell me what I should do, you're my best friend right now and I have total belief in you!

Love
Vonda
_______________________________________________________
(I sent that this morning. Hopefully Susan will have some good advice for me. I'll keep you updated.)

9 comments:

  1. I'm relieved to see you killed off a non-existent relative, as opposed to offering one up to fate. - Dee Anne

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks, I thought long and hard about that one. I was going to say my dog had been hit by a car but then, what if I ever got a dog? He'd be doomed and it would all be my fault.

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  3. That is so FUNNY!!!!

    Eye in the Sky

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  4. 1) I thought I was your new best friend.
    2) You never give me money.

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  5. "PEASE tell me what I should do!" Heehee!!

    So... update pease?

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks Eye In The Sky! (Can you see me? Right now? I'm waving at you, do you see me? Hi!)

    Ames-I just said that to get into your pants. You don't get any money because I didn't get into your pants. See how that works? You lend me a pair of your pants, I pay you. *thinks it's sad how slow Ames is. Sighs*

    Update tonight Steamme! This has been so much fun, I hope she and I are penpals for LIFE! Or he. Whatever.

    ReplyDelete
  7. That is awesome! You sure gave this scam artist a run for her money! I wonder if she'll ask you to cremate your brother so that she can get the $2,500!

    ReplyDelete
  8. You need to read part 2 to find out how it ends!:D

    ReplyDelete
  9. You need to read part 2 to find out how it ends!:D

    ReplyDelete