My doctor increased my medication and I think it's inhibiting my funny. Or something. Anyway, I built you a post.

My doctor upped one of my meds (I'm not telling you which one. That way you can imagine that I'm completely psychotic and delusional most of the time, which of course would call for an increase in my anti-psychotic. If that were the case. Which it's totally NOT.)

Or is it?

Anyway, I think the new dosage is blocking my funny, because everybody knows that the part of the brain that controls the funny also controls the thing I'm medicated for.  So I haven't been too inspired lately.

I could tell you about the dream I had this morning, where I was asked to leave Gap a full half-hour before closing time. And when I pointed this out to the manager, a clerk said, in a very snotty tone of voice, Well, we all got here early this morning, so we're closing early. And then I said Oh really? So you think that just because you opened the store early you get to go against the hours of operation set forth by Gap corporation? Really? I then proceeded to pull out my cell to report these bitches, who were attempting to abruptly end my shopping spree. The woman on the phone was appalled, as I recall, and she suggested that I contact the Disney Store immediately. I have no idea. Are Gap and Disney related in some way?

Yesterday I got a form letter from the water company. Sometimes I forget to pay my water bill and then they shut off my water. This usually happens on a Friday night, which sucks because then I have to sit around and hope that the water guy doesn't decided F*ck it. It's Friday and I'm tired of turning these people's water back on. I'm going out for a steak and they can just suck it until Monday rolls around. But that hasn't happened, and since I remembered to pay my water bill yesterday morning and we still have water, I couldn't imagine why they were bothering me.

Here is a brief outline of the letter they sent:

RE: Cross Contamination Connection Survey

Dear Sucker Customer:
Few things are as important to us as retaining the Oligopolistic hold we have on our customers in Illinois the safety of the water that comes to your property. Part of our "responsibility" responsibility is to ensure that there is no fecal matter or medication, such as anti psychotics or Human Growth Hormones (HGH) cross contamination of the water supply from your toilet, your neighbor's toilet or your grandma's medicine cabinet other sources that come into contact with your water.

We already tested your water and we know that it is contaminated with all manner of vileness are conducting a survey of our customers' use of water to maintain the facade that we are concerned about you're water supply, and that we are as clueless as you regarding the fact that your drinking water is currently contaminated with your bulimic sister's vomit, as well as your neighbor's raw sewage determine if any cross connections exist. Under certain conditions Joe in disinfecting had a massive hangover because got completely shitfaced and landed in jail after he found out his wife was cheating on him and he snapped. Then he poisoned your water supply. Because if Joe can't have Jolene Sue, then EVERYBODY DIES!!! a cross connection can cause contamination of the public water supply.*

Not our water supply though. We all drink bottled water because we've long suspected that Joe also pees into the aquifer.

Please complete the following survey and return it to us before you die of dysentery as soon as possible. We will then pretend to be shocked and concerned before we determine if your tell you that your water is contaminated.

Sincerely,
Cross Contamination Connection Department
                         *It's not our fault. Ever.