Goats+tranquilizer darts = PURE WIN

Back story. My deceased ex-husband had a machete and a field-radio, both of which his grandfather brought back from WWII. My son is OBSESSED with the machete, which I've been wise enough to hide from him because....

Most of the time, Zach forgets about the machete's existence. And then there are days like today, right after I dropped his sister off at tutoring:

Z: When I grow up, I can use my machete to cut throught the jungle underbrush, right?

Me: We live in Illinois. There is no jungle underbrush.

Z: But just in case, I could, right?

*I have already hidden all sharp knives, scissors, box cutters, and razor blades from this child. Primarily because he has no concept of his own mortality.

Me: Probably not. You don't need a weapon.

Z: Well, then I'll get a gun! When I'm older you can't tell me what to do, and so I'm going to get a gun. Not to kill anyone, though.

Me: So what are you going to use it for?

Z: Hunting.

*My son is a big softie, and would never harm or kill an animal. Unless it's a rollypoly. And even then, those were accidental deaths.

Me: You know that means you'd have to actually kill an animal, right?

Z: I would only hunt ducks. Because they're kind of ugly.

Me: Ok, except after you kill the duck, you have to rip out it's feathers and take out it's insides. Then you have to eat it.

Z: *completely aghast* Is that a rule?

Me: Well, yeah. You can't just kill an animal and leave it to rot. You have to eat whatever you kill.

Z: *thinking* I know! I'll only shoot GOATS.

Me: And then you'll eat them?

Z: Oh, I forgot. Do people eat goats?

Me: Uncle Asshat ate curried goat in Jamaica, remember? Some people do.

Z: Oh yeah! Remember that episode of The World's Biggest Cheapskates? That guy ate a goat head. He even ate its EYEBALLS!!!

Me: *sigh*

Z: Ok, how's this idea. I'll only shoot the goats with tranquilizer darts. Then I'll sell the goats to farmers. It's a win-win, right?

Me: .......

Z: Seriously Mom, I'm going to make a TON of money.