Most of the time, Zach forgets about the machete's existence. And then there are days like today, right after I dropped his sister off at tutoring:
Z: When I grow up, I can use my machete to cut throught the jungle underbrush, right?
Me: We live in Illinois. There is no jungle underbrush.
Z: But just in case, I could, right?
*I have already hidden all sharp knives, scissors, box cutters, and razor blades from this child. Primarily because he has no concept of his own mortality.
Me: Probably not. You don't need a weapon.
Z: Well, then I'll get a gun! When I'm older you can't tell me what to do, and so I'm going to get a gun. Not to kill anyone, though.
Me: So what are you going to use it for?
Z: Hunting.
*My son is a big softie, and would never harm or kill an animal. Unless it's a rollypoly. And even then, those were accidental deaths.
Me: You know that means you'd have to actually kill an animal, right?
Z: I would only hunt ducks. Because they're kind of ugly.
Me: Ok, except after you kill the duck, you have to rip out it's feathers and take out it's insides. Then you have to eat it.
Z: *completely aghast* Is that a rule?
Me: Well, yeah. You can't just kill an animal and leave it to rot. You have to eat whatever you kill.
Z: *thinking* I know! I'll only shoot GOATS.
Me: And then you'll eat them?
Z: Oh, I forgot. Do people eat goats?
Me:Uncle Asshat ate curried goat in Jamaica, remember? Some people do.
Z: Oh yeah! Remember that episode of The World's Biggest Cheapskates? That guy ate a goat head. He even ate its EYEBALLS!!!
Me: *sigh*
Z: Ok, how's this idea. I'll only shoot the goats with tranquilizer darts. Then I'll sell the goats to farmers. It's a win-win, right?
Me: .......
Z: Seriously Mom, I'm going to make a TON of money.
Z: *thinking* I know! I'll only shoot GOATS.
Me: And then you'll eat them?
Z: Oh, I forgot. Do people eat goats?
Me:
Z: Oh yeah! Remember that episode of The World's Biggest Cheapskates? That guy ate a goat head. He even ate its EYEBALLS!!!
Me: *sigh*
Z: Ok, how's this idea. I'll only shoot the goats with tranquilizer darts. Then I'll sell the goats to farmers. It's a win-win, right?
Me: .......
Z: Seriously Mom, I'm going to make a TON of money.