Internet is BAD

So I sat down to write a funny little blog entry, but didn't really know what I'd write about. So I googled "Johnny Depp oatmeal ADHD urine" thinking that maybe I'd come across the blog I wrote last night. Well, I didn't. What I came across was the "Top 10 Most Nasty Food Dishes Around The World". So of course I clicked on it. Why? I don't know. Maybe I wanted to know if urine oatmeal was considered a delicacy somewhere in the world. It's not, but worm lolipops and deep fried guinea pigs are (sorry Julia), as well as other things I won't even go into.  I have a seriously vivid imagination and a strong gag reflex, so it was really stupid of me to go on this website. Seriously stupid. After I finished reading about really gross food that NOBODY should EVER, EVER eat, I thought "Wow, that was nasty! Why did I even go there?" Of course, then my attention was immediately captured by a link titled "The 10 Most Disturbing Movies Ever."

Which then led to this internal dialogue between my Id and my Superego:

Id: "Oooh! I wanna see! I wanna look!"

Superego: "Not a good idea. Not a good idea at ALL! I forbid it!"

Id: "Not fair! Why do you always get to be in charge?"

Superego: "Because when you're in charge, you tend to set things on fire, or pee in inappropriate places."

Id: "Whatever. I hate you."

Superego: "I know you do. But I'm in charge."

Id: "You're not the boss of me!"

Superego: "Actually, I am. I'm the Superego. I am rational, impartial and without bias. And I am sooo the boss of you."

Just then, the Ego joined in: "Oh, come ON, how disturbing could they REALLY be? I say let her look. We have to let her make her own decisions someday."

Superego: "Harump! I'm going to read the paper and smoke my pipe. Don't say I didn't warn you."

Id: "YAAAAY!!!"

It's like my fingers had a mind of their own, and before I knew it, I was even more grossed out than the time my daughter pooped all over me when we were buying a car. Now I truly want to throw up. Then I want to set myself on fire, so I can be distracted from thinking about the vileness I have seen.

I'm way too impulsive, entirely too distractible,and utterly lacking the ability to picture the consequences of my actions before I act. I really shouldn't be allowed to make decisions that could cause nausea, trauma, fear or diarrhea. I need a handler, someone I can run my ideas by before I'm allowed to act on them. And I want an internet do-over. I know it's not possible, but I'm still asking. What really pisses me off is the fact that I'm smart enough to know it would have a 99.99% chance of ending badly, BUT I DID IT ANYWAY. So I'm going to make a rule for myself. If a link has the words: nasty, food, poop, disturbing, sickening, vile or shocking, or if it involves clowns or mimes, I'm not going there. I'm just not.


  1. Did ya hear about the guy who was holding his infant son at a cookout and licked mustard from his hot dog off his arm? It wasn't mustard.

    Good morning!

  2. See Ames, this is exactly what I was talking about. I'm going to tell myself you made that up, just to mess with me. And I'm flipping you off in my mind, fyi. ;-)