10 things about me.

I've always known I was different. Weird. Not like the other kids. Apart. And I had absolutely no idea how to "fit in."

As I've gotten older, I've learned some tricks to fitting in, and whatever I can't fake, I just pretend to ignore. Sometimes I just pretend to be asleep. It's worked pretty well for me so far.

Here are some things about me that I only recently realized may not be "typical." (Realized = 2 hours ago)

1. It is not normal to read a book about Helen Keller at the age of 8, and suddenly become obsessed with the fear that you may wake up one morning deaf, dumb, and blind.

2. It is not normal to emotionally detach yourself from a fellow kindergartner's inability to grasp the English alphabet. And subsequently set them up for a beating because you don't approve of cheating.

3. It isn't normal to be CERTAIN that your grade school secretary said that a fellow classmate had, "gone retarded", but would be back to school after lunch. *DON'T JUDGE ME. IT WAS THE 1970'S*

4. It's not normal to be THIS OBSESSED with anything. Really. There is no excuse.

5. I have watched this video over 50 times in the past 24 hours.

6. My kid has autism. Not that I'm trying to sway your thoughts one way or another....

7. It's not normal to try to return your child to the maternity ward. No matter how much they cry.

8. It's not normal to think you've killed the Easter Bunny. Ever.

9. ........

Because I don't understand Minecraft. Also, I get carsick.

My son Z is OBSESSED with Minecraft. He knows the backstory of Minecraft Steve. And Enderman. And Heberon. According to Z, Heberon was Minecraft Steve's twin brother, but he died in some horrific accident, and LEGEND HAS IT that Heberon shows up in Minecraft every once in a while. I'm not sure why, because just watching my son play Minecraft makes me dizzy and nauseous. If I was Heberon, I would prefer to spend my free time at the pool, or perhaps at Kartville.

Minecraft confuses me. I truly don't understand how it works. I don't know how Z is able to dye his sheep blue, or build a roller coaster through molten lava without dying, or why he would want to attempt to breed a blue sheep with a pink pig. I'm not sure what he thinks he's going to get out of that combination, but unless my high school Biology teacher was WAAAAAY OFF, I can tell you with some certainty that it is NOT going to be a pink-and-blue Pigsheep.

And the roller coasters. Oh. My. Damn. Building roller coasters has been his obsession for the past 2 years. I feel horrible saying this, but I just don't care. Don't get me wrong, when he builds a roller coaster that goes up and down and all around, I think that's really cool. But here's a rough draft of the roller coaster he built today.

Then I got to watch a bumpy-ass cart careening drunkenly around this roller coaster for at least 5 minutes, before it landed in the lava pit. I almost threw up, that's how dizzy it made me.

Also, it doesn't help that I have adult friends who seem to TOTALLY UNDERSTAND how Minecraft works. People like my friend Flannery, who told me that she got her "ass handed to her in the ether the other night."


I don't want to understand Minecraft. And I don't want my son to not love this awesome game. I just want to be able to watch him play without being subjected to nauseating twisty-turny roller coasters that only seem to exist on flat terrain.

Because I get carsick.