Dead Unicorns And Spaghetti Monsters

My 11-year-old daughter has a cell phone with a limited number of minutes each month. When they're gone, they're gone. Unfortunately, she also has a fierce addiction to texting, and 3 texts=1 minute. When you only get 100 minutes a month, they go pretty fast. I have tried to tell her not to waste her minutes on unnecessary texts, but my advice seems to fall on deaf ears. How do I know? Well, here's an example of how she chooses to use her text minutes:

Julia: Where are you?
Yesterday, 8:15pm

Me: Just got done @ kroger. Getting my salad and coming home. Love u.
Yesterday, 8:18pm

Julia: I love you.
Yesterday, 8:18pm

Me: <3
Yesterday, 8:19pm

Julia: Kiss
Yesterday, 8:20pm

Julia: *sends cute photo of 8 week old puppy she found on the internet*
Yesterday, 8:30pm

Julia: Where are you?
Yesterday, 8:33pm

Me: On my way now. Stop wasting ur minutes! <3. And yes i know u love me so dont waste minutes, k?
Yesterday, 8:34pm

Julia: K
Yesterday, 8:35pm

*sigh*

Julia: Where are you?

6:06pm

Julia: Where are you? answer

6:33pm

Julia: U all most here

6:49pm

Me: Yes

6:49pm

Julia: Good with food (wtf?)

6:50pm

Julia: U here me (she was singing at her master choir recital. With 371 other kids. And she wanted to know if I could hear her)

7:34pm

Julia: *unintelligible voice text asking if I videotaped her recital*

9:03pm

Julia: Where are you?

9:09pm

Me: Popeyes

9:16pm

Me: Everytime you waste your cell minutes saying things like "k" or "where are u" or "u there?" God kills a beautiful unicorn. Do you want that on your conscience?

9:24pm

Julia: K

9:25pm

Oh, and today Zach got a D in Conduct. Why? Because he called his art teacher "A Spaghetti Monster". And she was offended by this. Why? I happen to know that he enjoys a bowl of spaghetti and meatballs every once in a while. Perhaps it was a compliment, no matter how backhanded. Maybe he meant it like this:

But she took it like this:

Maybe.