Mornings at my house

My 8-year-old son has a very strong will, which I will gladly take responsibility for. His problem? He never knows when to give up. And? His dad died 3 months ago (yes he's in therapy thankyouverymuch), so he goes through about 517 emotions a day. And finally, the kid is a complete drama queen.

This morning he got mad at his sister for eating one of his donuts. The donut he had told her yesterday she could have. Pretty much he told us, f*ck yesterday! this is now and I want my f*cking donut!

Unfortunately, when nobody was looking, his sister very sneakily digested the donut, so he couldn't get it back. He did the next best thing, to his way of thinking.

He hit her.

I don't know if he thought hitting her would make the donut magically appear but I know he's seen me kick soda machines that steal my money. And? I always get my soda.

When her digestive tract refused to produce the donut, we had a complete and total meltdown, and by "we" I mean he.

In the space of .03 seconds, he went from looking like this: 
Awww! He's so cute and funny! Why do you say he's a problem?

To this:

Holy Mother of God why is he SCREAMING like that???!!

Sorry about the sideways view, this was the first time I recorded using my phone. But you get the picture. Totally. Out. Of. Control.

So he went to timeout, until he could "make his body quiet". Shut up, it's part of his therapy.

Before my son's body got quiet, it felt the need to kick me and smack me and say I hate you!!! And you're the WORST MOMMY EVER!!! I hate you more than I hate that Daddy died!!! You never let me do ANYTHING!!!!

During this time I sat with him on the stairs and read a book, ignoring him. He alternated between telling me that he was sorry, and that he hated me.

I determined that his body was not quite calm yet.

After about 5 minutes, his body was still not calm, but his sister's was (yes, she got timeout too, so she could calm her body down. Don't even attempt to f*cking judge me, f*ck you.) so I told her she was done.

Well. That did not sit well with the boy.

OH!!!! OH OH OH!!!! I HATE YOU!!! I didn't mean it when I said sorry! I was just TRICKING YOU!!! You're the worst mommy EVAH!!!! You love HER more than you love ME! *smack, slap, kick*

By this point in our relationship, I have learned to ignore these hateful statements, because what he really means is, I am soooo pissed off right now but I can't say "pissed off" because it's a GROWN UP WORD. And? I really, really, REALLY miss Daddy and my life has not been the same since November of 2009 but I don't yet realize that my anger has been simmering for that long. And? I HAVE TO PEE!!!

So I continue reading and sitting in timeout with him. And finally, his breathing slows, his tears dry and he gives me a hug.

I didn't really mean it when I said all those things. Well, I DID mean it when I said you never let me do anything. Can we go swimming?

Then I take a deep breath, because I already know what's coming, and say, sorry buddy. We have to watch our money this week, remember? Because I took you guys to St. Louis two weeks ago?

And then it all starts again.

And I love my kids more than evah.