This post has a *lot* of asterisks in it. You know what that means, right? LOTS OF SWEARS!

Holy crap you guys! I got an award from Laura, who writes sarcastic and witty stuff at Catharsis. But there's so much more to Laura, you guys! She ALSO writes on the reals at Families Coping With Infant Stroke.

Here's my award!

So yeah, she's pretty much amazing and the fact that she gave me an award is....Well, have you ever seen This Is Spinal Tap?

That's right. Laura goes to 11.

So, there are some things I have to do in order to fully claim this award. I'm supposed to tell you 7 *deep* things about me, and I have to pass it on to 10 other awesome bloggers. My problem is this. I don't like getting *deep* about myself, it makes me uncomfortable. I mean, HELLOO? People can use that sh*t against me, and if they don't? Then I run the risk of being the recipient of the *pity face*. I f*cking HATE the pity face. Don't you dare feel sorry for me, motherf*cker, or I'll kick you in the nuts. There. I bet you don't feel sorry for me now, do you?

Where was I? Oh, right. So I need to do this thing, but it makes me feel uncomfortable so I've come up with a solution. When I make a *deep* statement, I'm going to make fun of it. See? That way you can laugh and forget about all of the pain that went into each heartrending admission. HAHA!!! JOKING! SEE HOW IT WORKS??

1. Before I had kids, I had an eating disorder and ended up in treatment for it. It was anorexia, just so you know. Because there's nothing that anorexics/former anorexics HATE more than being mistaken for bulimics. That's just an insult. Bulimics wish they were anorexics.

2. I spent my entire life, from birth until I moved away for graduate school, living in a trailer court. Growing up in a trailer court defined who I was, who I wasn't, what I wanted and what I would never settle for. Let's just say I never invited friends over and I really related to Molly Ringwald's character in Pretty in Pink.

3. There are exactly 2 people who know every one of my secrets. And neither one of them are my ex-husband or my mother. Haha, now you want to know more, don't you? Well, tough sh*t. Tell me some of your secrets, and hold my hair when I throw up, and never give me the pity face, and we'll talk about sharing secrets. Until then, I'm covered.

4. I have another blog. A secret one. That's all.

5. I absolutely hate seeing people treated as less than human. Treated like they don't count, made to feel ashamed of themselves, having their humanity stripped from them like bark from a tree. Vulnerable. I f*cking hate seeing that and I will do anything I can to prevent it, or alleviate it. Everyone deserves to be treated like a f*cking human being, for God's sake. Do your part. Except for you, Donald Trump. You're a narcissistic assh*le.

6. Ugghhh. I'm so tired. Can't I just be done already? No? Ok, fine. Let's's not a day that goes by that I don't think about my ex-husband, and wonder about him. I want to know what happened, where he is and if he's ok. I pray he's happy and at peace. Because at one time we were so happy and so in love. If you haven't gone through this, don't even try to understand it because you can't.

7. Seriously, I'm not done yet? Ok, last one. There are many days that I worry that my son has an as-yet undiagnosed mental illness. When I try to picture him in the future, I worry that something terrible will happen to him before he gets there. He's impulsive, aggressive, loving, kind, affectionate, oblivious, sensitive, hyperactive, socially inept and obsessive. And I would step in front of a truck for him, because he's amazing. 

Ok, so this post didn't turn out at all like I'd planned. It seems that Laura tricked me into being on the reals.

Well played LauraMiri. Well played.

*Update- Sorry, I forgot to pass it on! Here are the amazing bloggers that I am sending my love to:

2. Jillsmo at Yeah. Good Times.

3. Handflapper at Handflapping.

7. Collie at The Collie Chronicles.

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