As I type this, we're watching a show about deep sea creatures, while the string sits next to him on the couch, safely contained in Z's Halloween bucket. Tonight, if he had his way, it would go to bed with him. But we have a rule in this house. "No ropes/strings/strangle-y things allowed in bed with you!" So he will put the string, and the Halloween bucket, under his bed until tomorrow morning.
Z was seen by a Developmental Pediatrician two weeks ago, and was given a tentative dx of autism (he goes through the full ASD clinic in February), and while I thought I was ok with it, right now I feel so sad. Z's older sister is watching him "play" and alternating between rolling her eyes and giving me worried looks. She knows. J loves him so much, even though he attacks her, hits her, pulls her hair and slaps her with the slightest provocation. And sometimes with no provocation at all. He randomly screams, laughs hysterically, throws shoes at her and embarasses her in front of her friends. But even a 12 y/o has her limits.
Their dad died last April and since then, Z has deteriorated. He's never dealt well with change/transition, etc. Plus, last week he got kicked out of the private school I was sending him to, because of his tendency to shout out random words during class, using farts and belches as ways to make friends and his tendency to pull kids' pants down during bathroom time, because isn't that how you make friends?
I took Z out of our public school because the school he was going to was "too noisy". Sometimes he wears headphones to cut the noise. They aren't plugged into anything. Just the headphones. I write a silly blog and I try to be lighthearted about Z's issues, but tonight, as my son plays with a piece of string while he walks the house on his tiptoes, I just can't be lighthearted about it.
Tonight, I worry about my son's future. But I especially worry about tomorrow, on his first day back at an over-crowded, under-funded and misguided public school system.
