When an obsessive need meets a brilliant ADHD moment, it's a beautiful thing.

I like to brush my teeth. Wait, let me jump back. I have an OBSESSIVE need to brush my teeth. Several times a day. Twice in the morning upon wakening, once after my mid-morning coffee binge, once before lunch, once after lunch, once after I get home from work, once before dinner and once before bed.

Is that weird?

I already know this habit goes back to my eating disordered days. I hated having the taste of food in my mouth. I wanted a fresh, clean, minty mouth at all times.

I overcame anorexia, but the need to have a sharp, shiny-clean mouth has lingered. Which made this morning very difficult, as I ran out of toothpaste and everyone knows you can't have your morning coffee before you've brush your teeth twice. Because your nasty morning breath will interfere with the heavenly flavor of your Starbucks Venti iced coffee with 3 pumps of mocha. Amiright? Of course I am, it's my blog.

So you can probably imagine my horror when, upon dragging my ass to the bathroom kitchen sink last weekend, I discovered that my tube was completely and utterly used up.

At first I was like, no biggie, I'm sure I picked up some extra tubes the last time I was at the store. Because that's what I do. I stock up on toothpaste and extra toothbrushes the way...well, the way somebody addicted to something stocks up on that thing. Not that I'm addicted to brushing my teeth. I'm sure that any of my co-workers would be willing to vouch that they have never seen me walking down the hallway to the bathroom with a toothbrush sticking out of my mouth.

But when I checked my super-secret new toothpaste/toothbrush hidey-hole (What's that you say? You don't have one? Well, you should. Just in case the Rapture/Zombie Apocolypse/your Mother-in-Law comes to town), I found, to my horror, I had no toothpaste!

And that's when shit got real, yo.

So I did what any normal person would do when faced with a lack of toothpaste on a lazy weekend morning. What's that, you say? Run to the local Walgreens? Pshht! Not before I'd had my coffee, which I couldn't have because I couldn't brush my teeth.

This is what I did instead:
Haha. It only looks empty.

Ta-Da! Toothpaste for another week. At least.