Because I don't understand Minecraft. Also, I get carsick.

My son Z is OBSESSED with Minecraft. He knows the backstory of Minecraft Steve. And Enderman. And Heberon. According to Z, Heberon was Minecraft Steve's twin brother, but he died in some horrific accident, and LEGEND HAS IT that Heberon shows up in Minecraft every once in a while. I'm not sure why, because just watching my son play Minecraft makes me dizzy and nauseous. If I was Heberon, I would prefer to spend my free time at the pool, or perhaps at Kartville.

Minecraft confuses me. I truly don't understand how it works. I don't know how Z is able to dye his sheep blue, or build a roller coaster through molten lava without dying, or why he would want to attempt to breed a blue sheep with a pink pig. I'm not sure what he thinks he's going to get out of that combination, but unless my high school Biology teacher was WAAAAAY OFF, I can tell you with some certainty that it is NOT going to be a pink-and-blue Pigsheep.

And the roller coasters. Oh. My. Damn. Building roller coasters has been his obsession for the past 2 years. I feel horrible saying this, but I just don't care. Don't get me wrong, when he builds a roller coaster that goes up and down and all around, I think that's really cool. But here's a rough draft of the roller coaster he built today.

Then I got to watch a bumpy-ass cart careening drunkenly around this roller coaster for at least 5 minutes, before it landed in the lava pit. I almost threw up, that's how dizzy it made me.

Also, it doesn't help that I have adult friends who seem to TOTALLY UNDERSTAND how Minecraft works. People like my friend Flannery, who told me that she got her "ass handed to her in the ether the other night."


I don't want to understand Minecraft. And I don't want my son to not love this awesome game. I just want to be able to watch him play without being subjected to nauseating twisty-turny roller coasters that only seem to exist on flat terrain.

Because I get carsick.