Not unlike my 8-year-old, my GPS has decided that it is smarter than me, and doesn't have to follow rules.
Here is an example of an interaction between me and my GPS.
This happens on a daily basis.
Monday
GPS: Turn left in approximately 250 feet. Then go left.
Me: But Tomtom, your screen shows that I should go right...."
GPS: Shut up.
Tuesday
GPS: In 30 feet, turn right. Then, in 8 miles, make a U-turn. Drive 8.5 miles, then you have reached your destination.
Me: But Tomtom, why should I drive 8 miles one way and then drive 8.5 miles in the opposite direction? All I need to do is turn left and drive .5 miles, right?
GPS: I feel like seeing some sights.
Wednesday
GPS: In 50 feet, turn left. Then continue for 20 feet.
Me: But Tomtom, that's a one way.
GPS: Shut up! This way is faster! You said you wanted faster, not shorter, right? RIGHT?? Welcome to faster b*tch! Now shut up and DRIVE!!!
Thursday
GPS: In 200 yards, turn left...
Me: *sigh*
GPS: Now, in 15 feet turn left and then.....WAIT!!! I just remembered a shortcut! Quick!! Go right and then make a U-turn!!
Me: But Tomtom!! There's a semi behind me and.....
GPS: DO AS I SAY WOMAN!!!!
*screeching of tires, sound of metal grinding against metal, glass shattering, etc*
Friday
GPS: beepbeepbeep!!!
Me: What???
GPS: You are driving 55mph in a 40mph speedzone. 55/40. Beepbeepbeep!! Slow down!!
Me: Tomtom, you're wrong! I'm looking at the speed limit sign right now and it says 55mph, so shut up!
GPS: BEEPBEEPBEEP! SLOW DOWN!!
Me: SHUT UP!!! I F*CKING HATE YOU!!!!
GPS: Whatever. In 2 feet, turn left.
Me: What??!! That doesn't even make any sense!! Who has reflexes like that? And besides, THAT'S A BIKE PATH!!
GPS: I know a back way. I found it on mapshare. *rollafattie* uploaded it last night.
Me: THAT PERSON WAS PROBABLY HIGH!!! I mean, come on!! Roll a fattie??? They're just uploading crap to mess with people like me!!
GPS: Really? Bwaaahahahahahahahahhaaa!!!!! That's f*cking AWESOME!!!
I hate my GPS.
