A Slow-Roasted Chicken Recipe For All Of You

Just to prove to everyone out there that I can be diverse and not always look for the joke in everything, I have decided to give to all of you a gift. A serious gift. The gift of slowed-roast chicken, because who doesn't like chicken? Of course you have to buy it and season it, and then you have to cook it, because I'm a good person and all but come on, I have a life here and kids of my own to feed. I believe it was Jesus who said, "Give a person a slow-roasted chicken, and they eat for a day, teach a person to slow roast a chicken, and they can eat whenever they want. Or whenever they have a chicken." I think.

The awesome thing about this recipe (besides the fact that it takes 13 hours to prepare), is the fact that you can run home at lunch, stick it in the oven and 5 hours later it's ready. Add some sauted asparagus and a baked potato or rice, and there's your dinner. Have a glass of wine with it and your kids' bickering over who gets the wishbone won't bother you as much as it normally would.

Buy a chicken, wash it and take out anything you find in what I refer to as the chicken's vagina.  I know that can't be true, but it was either that or tell myself it's the chicken's asshole. The chicken people like to hide a bag of chicken innards  in the chicken's...cavity, so do with them what you will. I like to make a nice stew out of them and give it to my ex-husband...kidding! (I know he reads this).

So, your chicken is washed, patted dry and ready for action. Mix in a bowl:
2 tsp salt
1 tsp paprika
1/2 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp dried thyme
1 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp garlic powder

Rub the chicken inside (eww, I know, right?) and outside with either butter or olive oil, your choice. Then rub the spice mixture inside (again, I know) and outside. Wrap it up and put it in the fridge overnight. When you're ready to cook it, heat your oven to 250 degrees and put the chicken in the oven, uncovered, for 5 hours. Let it rest for 10 minutes before carving.

I know, awesome, right? You're welcome.

Come back again, there's more where that came from. Actually, it came from allrecipes, but their recipe wasn't as fun to read as mine was to write.